January 13, 2014


There is a new linky going around the blogosphere, and it's all about siblings. It's all about taking a photo of your kids together at the 10th of every month. I looked around on Friday, and everyone were joining in, mostly saying how hard it was for them to find photos of their children together. I have the opposite problem, I have too few photos of each of them alone. Anyway, obviously I didn't join the linky (otherwise you would have seen this post earlier), but later that night my friend Steph joined it and invited me to join as well. I told her I have never done a photo post on my blog, as I prefer my photos to accompany my words. It is true, but it wasn't the real reason.
The real reason I didn't join the linky is that it touched a sore point with me. Siblings is somewhat of a touchy subject for me, and I just couldn't find the words or the will to write about it. Both Hidai and I don't have a good relationship with our siblings. It's for different reasons, and regardless of the "why" or the "blame game" the end result is the same - an almost non-existent relationship. It is a sad turn of events for sure, and one that is hard to live with at times, and at the same time not one that will change at the moment.
The reason I am telling you this, is that it started raising questions I have no answer to, and I am starting to be concerned about the future. Ron and Yon have a four year gap, a very different personality and interests, and have eased into the stage of jealousy and bickering lately. I know it's a phase, and that everyone goes through it and I shouldn't be worried about it, and that they are boys so half their interaction with the world is through fighting and grunting and bickering anyway. But I am worried, because I like to teach by example, and I don't have a good example to teach by in this case. How can I raise them to be good brothers, the way I think good brothers are supposed to be, when I don't have an example to give them? How do I make sure the differences in their personality - that I am sure will evolve into differences in lifestyle, careers, spouses, and location - won't hinder their relationship? How do I make sure they will be there for each other? How do I make sure my vision of a good sibling relationship is carried out, when I myself am such a bad example of it?
I would like Ron to help Yon and protect him. But he is 8 and a half and is heading straight into the stage where everything "embarrasses" him. Last week there was a fire alarm at school and Yon got scared and started crying (it was a combination of the cold, his regular teacher wasn't there and they had to stand in a different place). His teacher arrived after a few minutes and thought seeing Ron would help, so she took Yon to where Ron's class was. And Yon wanted a hug. I heard all this from Ron later, when he told me in horror how embarrassing it was to hug your little brother in front of the Whole School. I know it's more funny and touching and that the important thing was that he did hug his little brother even if it was in front of the whole school and extremely embarrassing. And I know I can't put too much pressure on Ron to protect Yon, but I would like him to want to do it. I know it's crazy and unrealistic and a fantasy...
I would like Yon to stop being jealous of Ron. To stop interrupting every time Ron speaks, and stop wanting so much attention every time Ron gets some. But he is 4 and a half and at this point in life it's just not going to happen.
I want them both to like each other and love each other and feel secure in their relationship and in our love for them.
I would have liked all this for Hidai and for myself.
”dearAnd maybe that's just it, maybe I can't make sure of it, because maybe there is no good sibling relationship and it's all a fantasy I concocted in my head? I don't have any real-life example to give them, all I can do is point at them and say "do as I say and not as I do", which is never a good thing is it?


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