No more babies here

It's exactly five days to Yon's 4th birthday. My baby will be four in five days. I find it incomprehensible. In five days I will officially become an all-kids-mummy. No more babies. No more toddlers. Just kids. It comes as quite a shock, especially as I tend to think of Yon as my baby (mainly because he goes around the house proclaiming himself as baby Yon), and also because somehow, even though I do remember my children's birthdays logically in all the months prior, when the actual birthday month arrives my mind stops working and I always find myself in the same state of shock that it is in fact their birthday. It wasn't better this year, and although I had all the gifts in my Amazon basket, I still waited until the first of July to actually press "buy". And no, it wasn't all about waiting for payday.

Baby yon - then

And now

So why is that? It's not that I don't like their birthday, or that I wish them to stay young.
I am one of those people who don't like babies. I prefer the older version, you know the one that doesn't pee on you, can say what's wrong, and sleeps through the night.
I guess it has something to do with the fact that they were not easy babies, but honestly I am not sure there is such a thing as an easy baby. I mean in reality, not in the stories we tell other parents so they will feel bad about themselves.
I guess that it has something to do with the benefits of having older kids. It is true that the questions become tougher, the guilt is more pronounced and the feeling that every wrong turn will ruin you child's future is a constant companion. I think I told you about our saying that small children equals small problems, big children equal big problems (promise you it sounds better, and grammatically correct, in Hebrew), but while all that is true, now I can -
Well, my kids have been sleeping through the night since they were about two months old (see how bad I made you feel now? That's because I'm not telling you about the fact that Ron wouldn't sleep in the day until he was 3 years old), but lately they started sleeping in on weekends, and have been known to sleep until 9am.
After they wake up (on weekends obviously. On weekdays I feel like a drill Sargent) they watch a movie by themselves, and yes it means we can have a lie-in until about 10:30 am.
I can go out of the house with the tiniest of bags (though I usually don't. I was one of those prepared for a nuclear bomb bag people even before the kids).
I can go on the upper deck in a double decker, can go into any tube station, can squeeze them in on a busy train.
I can drink a cup of coffee in the afternoon while they are playing in their room. Without me. (Unfortunately they are in the "muuuuuuuumy he ....." stage. Lovely).
I can tell them that today is mummy day, and they do what I choose :).
In about three month Yon will go to Reception for a full day of studying. After he will finish his three weeks of gradual whatever. It means that for the first time in six years I will have a full 7 hours just for... ME.
They dress themselves, put on their own shoes (rarely on the wrong foot), coats and hat.

They can prepare their own breakfast (cereals. And it doesn't matter, as I do it anyway. Just like choosing their own clothes. It's the theoretical that counts here).
No more diapers, potties, bed-wetting. EVER.
Bath time is their time together alone.
I can take them shopping (if I bring two electronic devices they will be quiet for hours).
I can give them electronic devices and they will be quiet for hours.
We can do more stuff everyone enjoyes, like going to the cinema, a musical, a museum (ok, the Natural History or Science, but still).
They understand what I am telling them (but think they know everything better than me anyway), and answer direct questions (they also answer back, and eavesdrop things they shouldn't).
They eat (me out of house and home). I can take them to restaurants and not just McDonalds and they will still eat - try new foods, behave better, and let us eat in peace (electronic devices. Did I mention them already?).
They can tell you what they want for Christmas, or their birthday (though, usually the problem is that their gifts are becoming smaller in size and bigger in costs.)
I can wear what I want without worrying about getting it dirty with kids stuff (just, as usual, that I will spill something).

Big kids

So no, I don't miss the baby years. I don't miss any of those long days and nights where I had none of these things, when I couldn't dream of going out to a cafe with the kids, where I had to teach them to do everything. I really don't miss those days where I thought all hope is gone and it will never end.
I think after you have a baby or two you learn to appreciate much more all those little things in life. My days (and nights, and weekends) are still (and I guess for a long time more) dedicated and dictated by the whims of those two little tyrants, and I guess that is why every ounce of independence and freedom I gained back over the years is appreciated and marvelled at.
It is also the reason I do not want anymore children. I am at an age where most have one young child, or maybe are just pregnant, or maybe not even that. It is supposed to be the perfect time for me to start thinking about a third child. And yet, I don't.
I find I don't have the patience, the financial ability, the agility, and the ability to be awake at night, but most of all I don't have the enormous will and need that drove me to have those two. The willingness to sacrifice everything, the ability to bear the unending stream of doctors, tests, shots, pills, and unsuccessful months, that feeling in the pit of your stomach that drives you.
And you know, just to finish it off, we have the 50% chance that our next child will also have Ocular Albinism. Or full Albinism. Not really something we want to chance.
So why do I forget my kids' birthdays?